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Etiquette Expert – “Give 3 Metre Warning To Avoid Being Hugged!”

Etiquette expert William Hanson told BBC Radio 5 Live this morning, that if you do not want to be hugged, now that restrictions on hugging have been removed by the government, you should give an approaching hugger a three metre warning.

If you think that restrictions are being eased too soon, if you’re concerned about the Indian variant, or if you’re worried that someone hasn’t been vaccinated, a hug might be a terrifying experience for you.

Chatting with the BBC’s Nicky Campbell, William Hanson (pictured) said:

“Being clear with your body language as well if you aren’t somebody comfortable with hugging, even though we are now allowed to hug those that we are close with as of today, then walk up to someone and yes, give them the namaste, put your hand on heart, wave at them, give them some sort of signal at sort of three plus metres, that hopefully will mean that they don’t sort of go and pull you in for a hug.”

I’d love to tell you that the above is satire. It isn’t. I was listening to it while running up Langworthy Road in Salford this morning. I drew more than a few quizzical glances I can tell you. As I was wearing headphones, I can only assume I must have been swearing out loud while passing people on the footpath.

On the same radio show, traffic woman Michelle said that she wanted to hug her Mummy, but that Mummy might be reluctant to be hugged by her. Why? Well, even though Mummy has had two AstraZeneca jabs (God help her), Michelle hasn’t had her first one yet. Therefore, it might be prudent not to hug Mummy until she’s had at least one jab.

Am I dreaming this? Are you? Are you in my dream or am I in yours? Who knows?

Where are the comedians? Where are the comediennes?  Why am I the only broadcaster in the country satirising this nonsense? Has comedy become so woke, that covid restrictions are off limits? There is Aidan Killian in Ireland. He’s taking it on. Top man Aidan.

 

 

 

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LoopyMoo

If anyone gives me the “three metre namaste” signal, it will take every fibre of my being to stop me pulling them in for a noogie

Backbeat

Given that I only hug women that I fancy, this could be a way forward for me as it’ll negate the need to explain the rigor mortis of the Calvin Klein area.

Neil

Is there any chance of bringing Bernard Manning back too life?

Zac Baled

Sorry posted on wrong thread

Last edited 28 days ago by Zac Baled
shari-rose

Been out and about today and lost count of how many single, sad individuals were sat in cars wearing their face comfort blankets. Made me wonder if they actually take them off at night or lie there with them on, worried those nasty particles will land on them. Remember the days when the question in bed was ‘have you got one on? Now protection in bed means the two of you wearing face nappies 🙂

Tim in Brazil

I nearly wet myself listening to the audio clip on the show. In the words of John McEnroe. ” You CAN NOT be serious”

Glen

🙏🏼Bill Hicks, back🙏🏼

Adam

‘And the sign said smile, it could be worse. And I did. And it was’

The phrase rhymes with clucking bell.

Jo26

‘Etiquette expert’……he needs to get a real job. Plus he’s not even holding the cup properly. His pinkie should be pointing out and away from the cup 😊😂

Jacob

I saw one idiot a while back carrying a 3 meter long stick so people would not come near him!
I completely forgot about it until I read this article.

Backbeat

F**K! Did you get a photo?

LoopyMoo

So I can’t carry pepper spray while I’m walking the mutts, but tena-wearing cold-phobics can carry massive sticks?!

Jennie

Good man Aidan. The problem is satire has become really difficult because the reality is already so crazy.

I’m with you Richie it does feel like we must be dreaming.

Tim in Brazil

We could build anti-hug shelters for safe-sleeping with.beds 2 metres apart. 24 hour protection for the hug-afraid.

Backbeat

Don’t forget the plexiglass dividers…

Boris The Toilet Mop

Hug sirens are coming with early warning detection systems.

You wear them as a special hat.

Craig

Let us, for a moment, sink into their insanity. Signalling to someone three metres away would presumeably mean raising your voice a little (not everyone will pick up on non verbal signs). This would mean projecting those naughty virus particles even further.
The inconsistances that people are blindly accepting are incredible.

MikeRowcock

How’s that going to work in the WWF wrestling? Hulk Hogan and the undertaker have to signal to eachother what move they’re intending to pull before smack down? What a pile of tripe

Kay

I keep thinking I’ve woken up in an alternative world! Someone help me get back to the sane one please…

Jennie

I know the feeling. When I wake up in the morning it suddenly hits me that I’m back in the insanity.

Backbeat

Kay and Jennie, I really feel your pain. Christ on crutches…when will this madness end???

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