If we win this war, the very first thing we should do, even before breaking open the Bacardi, is to exile the liars and charlatans that make up SAGE (Scientific Advisory Group for Emergencies).
I’ve found the place too. It’s called Bouvet Island. It’s uninhabited and is quite literally in the middle of nowhere. I’ve had e-fuckng-nuff of SAGE now. Haven’t you?
It’s another beautiful day here in the UK. Folks are flocking to the beaches, rivers and parks. Damn right. People are having fun. They’re letting off steam. I spent a wonderful afternoon yesterday, chilling in the beer garden of The Railway Inn, Mobberley.
My heart sang as I watched the little ones running around the playground, whooping and cheering as their parents watched on.
This morning however, SAGE scientists have taken to the national airwaves once more. They are aghast. This just won’t do. What the fuck are we thinking enjoying life? Remember the Indian variant! Be cautious! Consider staying at home!
Susan Michie is a psychologist. She’s also a cunt. Yes, you read that right. I just don’t care anymore. Michie is a member of SAGE. Speaking to SKY News, she bemoaned all the fun that us irresponsible people are having right now.
“We’re on a knife-edge,” said the dizzy bint. “We could go either way with this new variant!” As usual, the presenter said nothing. No challenge forthcoming, Michie pressed on. She said:
“Either it could run away as it did before Christmas, which would be extremely serious and we’d have to have more restrictions, or potentially it could be contained. But that does mean everybody needs to be cautious right now.”
Fuck off Susan. We’ve had enough of your witchdoctory and junk science. I hope you’ve seen Castaway. Learn to catch a fish with a spear. If I have my way, you and your SAGE pals will be dropped on Bouvet Island when this is all over.