My great friend Jeananne Crowley said to me on the phone this morning, “You were right about the variants Richie, when you were jesting last year about the Daddy Long-Legs variant!” I was right. For a change it must be said. I shoot at a lot of targets on the radio show but my aim is, shall we say, a little erratic. As I write this, a SKY News reporter is ramping up the fear-porn on location in Bristol. There’s another variant! The Kent Covid strain has allegedly mutated again, into another potentially dangerous strain and it’s been discovered in Bristol!
Cue thousands of surge-testing kits and hundreds of volunteers rushing to Bristol, to demand that perfectly healthy Bristolians swab themselves and return the samples. Deputy Chief Medical Officer Jonathan Van Tam told the BBC this morning that there are thousands of covid-19 mutations now. UK prime Minister Boris Johnson told the House of Commons this lunchtime, that there will be new covid variant jabs for us all in the Autumn. Surprise surprise. These goons are nothing if not predictable. 
Yes I saw this coming. I wasn’t alone. Covid-19, if it exists, is harmless to the vast majority of us. 99.7 per cent survival rate, average age of someone dying is 82 blah blah blah. Old news. The government knew last year that they were on shaky ground, so they came up with the concept of Long Covid. They span wild yarns about Covid toes. They said that stuttering was a covid symptom as was hearing voices. Look it up. The public lapped it up.
It was inevitable that they would eventually warn us of new and potentially deadly mutations that would require new vaccines and keeping us in lockdown cycles. It’s a zero-sum game. Today there’s a new and potentially more transmissible Bristol variant. Tomorrow it might be one found in Poland, Edinburgh the day after. I can’t get near these liars. They’ll never speak to me. UK broadcasters nod along and sound worried. “This is concerning Professor” they say, “when will you know how deadly this new strain is?” It’s a game of softball.
If I was presenting BBC News At One today, this nightmare would be over in a matter of minutes. And as for Johnson, Hancock, Whitty, Vallance and that moron Van Tam? They would be running for their lives.
